dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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