just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
