yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
