So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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