it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
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So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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