Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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