Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
