He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
