can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
