Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
