Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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