I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
