It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We left the knife in your bed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We have started to decorate penises.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
