I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have already put on my inside pants.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
