he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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