Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
