Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it hurts more in the daytime
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
