i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
