I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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