found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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