smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
