He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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