apparently the secret to your success is patron
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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