Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
