I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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