She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
