im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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