Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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