And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
