I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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