Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
