If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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