bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
