Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
