The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
