Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
