he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
