I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
