I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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