1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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