my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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