Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
