Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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