I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
