So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
