Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
