you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
