At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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