My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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