her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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