is your mom at the bar?
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just had sex bonerless
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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