I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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