Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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