your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
