I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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