This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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