Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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