Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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