what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
